Steve Davidson, Ph.D. - Relationships

Relationships

The big trick in relationships is having realistic expectations. We all see movies and hear love songs that imply that relationships, like good luck, are easy, immediate, and always fabulous! But ask anybody in a strong, long-term relationship, and they'll tell you there's a lot of patient compromising that goes on. Here are some considerations for making relationships satisfying, interesting, fun . . . and lasting:

1. Stability - Steer yourself toward partners who are calm, thoughtful, and reliable.
And try to be that way yourself. It's easier on everybody!

2. Golden Rule - Treat your partner as you would like to be treated. Easily said! But
this simple guideline can cut through a lot of tangled conflicts. Be sure to give the
understanding and fairness you would like to receive.

3. Common Interests - In a long-term relationship, it's natural to drift away from the romantic evenings and shared enthusiasms that started everything off on such a
good footing. It might be a good idea to just build them into your schedule. Italian
food! Kayaking! Going to the bookstore! It doesn't matter, as long as it allows you to reconnect.

4. Regular Dialog - Talking about the relationship can be hard. One way to do it is to just ask in a straightforward way: "Can we talk about our relationship sometime? Not about what we are going to do this weekend, but about how we are getting along as a couple." There's your chance to talk about what are your individual and mutual goals in the relationship.

5. Problems ' Goals - Once you get comfortable and successful with dialog about
goals for the relationship, you can begin to bring up problems. One way to approach problems is to ask yourself what the solution to the problem would be. Then you
can propose the solution. "Wouldn't it be fun if we . . . ?" "What would you think if we were to . . . ?" If your partner asks why, at that point you can refer to the initial issue, something like: "Well, it seems like we always . . .," or, "It seems like we never . . . ."

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